Interracial dating stereotyper

Interracial dating is not revenge dating. Plus, all the males in my family are white and I have nothing but respect for them, so how can I think I’m better than them? The same goes for black men; their mothers and sisters are black, so they shouldn’t think they are above black women by dating white women. 9. Still, there are some interracial dating facts that you need to be mindful of. To start with, let’s understand what does interracial relationships mean . Interracial relationships, interracial love, or i nterracial dating happens when people from different racial ethnicity form any type of intimate relationship, be it physical, emotional ... In this video I will address the differences between social stigmas of interracial dating between Black women & white men. as well as some of the risks associated with interracial dating & swirling. I know many people also have huge debates on whether or not someone can be “pro-Black” or not when they date interracially. To avoid the stereotypes listed below in online dating be sure to take a look at our Top Interracial Dating Sites review. Racial Stereotypes In Dating Let’s begin by going over a quick catalog of the most common and persistent stereotypes associated with certain racial/ethnic groups, then we’ll get into the best ways to get past them. Do racial stereotypes play a role in dating and mate selection? A new study published by Adam Galinksky of Columbia Business School indicates racial stereotypes play a very large role in perceptions of masculinity and femininity. Previous studies have explored the links between gender, race and achievement in fields ranging from athletic participation to choice of leadership, yet Galinsky only ... In 1958, Richard Loving, a White man, and his wife Mildred, a Black woman, were arrested for the crime of being married. Although the couple had been legally wed in the District of Columbia, they ...

How to deal with judgment on interracial relationships?

2020.09.21 02:11 catgirl87 How to deal with judgment on interracial relationships?

I'm 30F, engaged to a man that I've been dating for over 7 years. I am Asian and he is Caucasian.
I know that some people judge the Asian-White relationships, especially if the woman is Asian. Stereotypes include yellow fetishes, the women being submissive, the women dating white men because they hate men from their own race and think "white is superior", blah blah blah. The stereotypes are of course in no way reflective of my relationship with my fiance; we have a very healthy, loving and strong relationship. But sometimes I still feel judgment from the outside world, even if sometimes that judgment isn't expressed in words.
I didn't really notice it until we have been dating for a bit. It was actually just some incidents, when we are on dates and I feel treated badly by the people who served us, i.e. they would ignore me and give him their full attention. There were one or two incidents where we were ignored altogether. I hate to say it, but these slights made me become super sensitive. Sometimes I may be imagining slights that aren't even there. I'm afraid of showing PDA with him, or even being seen with him sometimes, just because I don't want people to look at us and automatically pass judgment on us. Sometimes I feel like it would've been much easier if I fell in love with someone from my own race.
I know it's stupid and I shouldn't care about what other people think, as long as I'm happy with my fiance. But I just can't turn off being sensitive to it. How do your interracial couples out there deal with feeling judged? Is there a way you can just block out any negativity and be happy? I feel so alone in this, because this isn't really a topic that I can talk to anyone about IRL.
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2020.09.12 07:18 weuripgc Do you ever think about how African American women are getting completely removed from the genetic pool by the day?

The number of black men not dating black women plus the number of black women that can't or don't want to date interracially. I think in 2050 the population of black women (not mixed) will decrease by tenfold. Technically this would apply to full black men as well but idc about them so anyways moving on. Is this natural selection at work? Only those with genes seen as desirable will continue their bloodline right? Also, black women have a really high rate for abortion which doesn't make it better. and obviously I am singling out us African American women bc there's a fuck ton of Africans so I don't think they're going anywhere. I don't think our birth rate in America can keep up with BMWF couples for long, they are BREEDING BREEDING. every time I go to target I see at least 2 or 3 white women with little nappy haired mixed babies lol it always throws me off a bit but I also think that the white woman trend is almost over. I feel like there's a growing stigma of bmwf couples they have become a meme at this point bc it's so typical these days. also bc of all the bad stereotypes about them. I notice men gravitating more towards the average mixed brown-skinned or latina ig thot types these days as the pinnacle of beauty in their eyes, white women, not so much. anyways just making observations. food for thought.
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2020.09.08 21:13 fuzzymaple My [18F] boyfriend [23M] is into raceplay and it’s making me question our relationship

I’m black and he’s white, but he’s Irish (moved to the US kinda recently) and I’ve lived in the US my whole life. We’ve been dating for 2 months
When we met (online originally) he kept saying how I’m one of the sexiest black girls he’s ever seen. Most of his compliments towards me would insert my race into them, he also asked if I could twerk which is cringe lmao.
I’ve always lived in predominantly white areas but I’m very attractive so I’m used to men being shocked at me not fitting black women stereotypes (and not knowing how to navigate that thought process appropriately when they’re attracted/speaking to me) but compliments like that are usually red flags to me. He didn’t grow up with black people at all though so I’ve been pretty forgiving.
He’s hilarious and super nice to me and he’s friends with another black girl so I don’t think he’s racist or anything, but I’m worried that he might just be fetishizing me? When we were first flirting/ getting to know eachother we watched interracial porn together and it was hot but kinda weird since he went out of his way to search for it. All of his exes are white so i know that he’s not obsessed with black women or anything.
The first time we did sexual stuff he asked me if I liked “sucking his big white cock” which I said yes to without question so that he’d be happy but the focus on race made me confused, until a different day when he blatantly asked me if I liked raceplay. I said that I’d be willing to try and ever since there’s been racial aspects in our sex life but it seems like he’s trying to see how far I’m willing to go (I feel like he wants me to call myself a slave or the nword but I’m not sure honestly)? I degrade myself already because it turns him (and me kinda) on but when I’m not horny it kind of bothers me that he likes racial stuff like that :(
I’m having a hard time telling if our relationship is even beneficial to me because I feel like I’m teaching him how to treat me like a normal person? Like my race seems very tied to my identity in his eyes even though there’s a lot of different things that make me who I am. Also it bothers me that he’s so into raceplay because doesn’t that show how he views black and white interactions? Like in the beginning he kept asking me if I usually/mostly like white guys and when I said that I date people regardless of race he seemed kinda disappointed. I just would like to know if this sounds like a bad relationship or not I guess.
TL;DR: my boyfriend of 2 months is into raceplay but he also attaches my race to a lot of things in our nonsexual interactions. I’m curious about whether that says something about his character, and if it’s a bad idea for me to keep dating him.
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2020.09.03 16:59 toaster1827 Your mom is white? You’re problematic.

There is a stereotype when it comes to people who are mixed black and white that if your mom is white and your dad is black that you are problematic. I can definitely understand why people think this way because there are a lot of mixed people on the internet who like to act a fool and black men with white wives/girlfriends who don’t know how to act, but as someone with a white mother and a black father I find this stereotype hurtful.
I think that the problem lays in the fact that mixed people (in the US) are much more likely to have a white mother and a black father than the other way around. We know from stats and studies that 1) black women are less likely to marry outside of their race 2) that men of other races are less likely to seek out/date black women and 3) that black men are more desirable to other races than black women are.
Because of these conditions, it makes it much more likely that if you are mixed black/white that your father will be black and your mother will be white. If you see a mixed person acting a fool, it is much more likely (because there are more of us) that they will be that combination.
We also know from just -motions around to everything- that for groups are almost always “run” by the vocal minority.
I really do think that if it was socially acceptable for black women to date outside their race (see any social media post where a famous black woman states she dating a white man), and if men of other races were just as into black women as they were any other race, that we wouldn’t see this stereotype. As a biracial (non-ambiguous) black woman, I can vouch for the fact that the world is really cruel to us. Sometimes it is very hard to not turn that hate inward and internalize it. Not only is it hard to live life being black in a white society, but then to also be treated as lesser than by our own people because of a perceived superiority that people assume we think we have for not only being mixed, but for having a white mother is... hella exhausting.
Because of the treatment of the world, a lot of black women have self esteem issues. I really find it hard to believe that were we not put in a position to have to protect and put everyone else first, and were we given the same opportunity to date outside of our race, that we would see just as many problematic mixed kids black moms.
Edit: since some troll in the comments wants to tell me that I’m manipulating the meaning of the study I provided in a comment, here it is. . This study is NOT about hookup culture, but about INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE by ALL races. It is literally called “Trends and Patterns in Intermarriage”.
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2020.08.27 18:22 BabyMac137 6 True Struggles of Interracial Relationships (and how to overcome them)

I read this article recently and wanted to add it here for discussion. I imagine it's intended to be helpful, but I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
1. Your interracial relationship is very likely to involve two different value systems.
I can say I kind of understand where this is coming from. While people in general may have different values, perhaps it is more likely to happen among couples in interracial relationships. Her solution is to focus on the interests and goals you have in common. I get this, but I wonder if refusing to acknowledge the differences could come back to bite you in the future. Perhaps, it might be better to address the fact that those differences exist and work to be okay with that instead of pretending it's not there.
2. There can be many unhealthy assumptions between interracial partners.
Basically, don't make stereotypical assumptions of your partner based on their race. I would say this is a good rule of thumb recommendation. No arguments here.
3. Many interracial couples shy away from hot topics like racism.
I couldn't say this is an interracial couple thing as much as it seems to me to be a society thing. I feel like in the past, you weren't supposed to talk about race because it wasn't supposed to matter. Instead of that helping though, it contributed to the racial disparities seen today. However, this feeling that you're not supposed to talk about race has stuck, and I'm not convinced that interracial couples avoid talking about race more than same-race couples. Either way, it's a good idea to have difficult conversations with your partner. I think it can help to build the bond and help to see things from the other person's perspective.
4. Boundaries in your relationship may disappear.
I kind of have issues with this. I'm not sure where the author gets the idea that those in interracial relationships are more likely to boundary stomp by going through someone's phone, email, or Facebook messages. Personally, I think this is kind of ridiculous, so I don't have much of a response to it.
5. Some interracial couples allow others' opinions to affect their wellbeing.
I can see this having the possibility of being true. I also think that this is something that can happen to anyone, not just those in interracial relationships. Anyone can succumb to the opinions of others or have those opinions harm their emotional wellbeing or affect their actions. I couldn't say I know exactly how to combat this, but a good starting point might be to identify those opinions you're hearing that are difficult and trying to work from there.
6. Some individuals dating people from another race feel superior in their relationship.
I struggle here with understanding why someone who feels this way is in this relationship. Maybe they're looking for someone to feel superior than or maybe they would feel this way no matter the race of their partner. Hard to say. The author suggests that comments of superiority comes from a place of insecurity. While many may feel insecure in their relationship, I can't say that this is ever a great way to go and I can't say I know how to resolve this issue if it's something happening in someone's relationship. The best I can say is to be honest with what those comments are and how they make you feel. I would hope that the other person in the relationship would be open to hearing that instead of continuing with the same behavior, because yikes.
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2020.08.21 07:52 kiticanax Ramy is the one of the worst human beings I've ever seen on television

After finishing the second season, I can say without a doubt that Ramy has the protagonist I absolutely abhor more than any TV show I have watched. I have never encountered someone so self-entitled and outwardly destructive as he is.
To start things off, I really enjoyed how the show started off. The show focuses on Ramy who is a 30 year old Egyptian-American who often struggles with both his faith and how it stands in contrast to American customs and how it contradicts widely accepted humanist beliefs. There is also the awkward “coming of age” story about being 30 years old and yet still trying to establish yourself.
I really enjoy the premise of the show as these are things that I feel aren’t touched upon enough. It’s very interesting to see how people with much more orthodox faith or who are raised in families as such struggle to strike the balance between tradition and modern American life. You constantly see this throughout the show in not just the protagonist, but also his sister, his friends, and his love interests.
But perhaps what connects to me even more is how the series shows that even when you are in your mid-20s, late 20s, or even in your early 30s you still are in many ways feel or are even still in these awkward coming of age years we find ourselves during our teens to early 20s. In a way it signals that we never stop growing and are always on unstable ground.
So what makes me hate the show’s protagonist so much despite the series premise being so appealing to me? Quite simply he is a disgusting and extremely hypocritical human being who lacks empathy, self-awareness, self-control, and any emotional intelligence whatsoever.
The main character goes through what quite possibly is the fastest Flanderization in series I’ve encountered. Initially his “crimes” are things as simple as “Oh! I’m not supposed to jackoff because my faith forbids me to do it! I’m a shitty Muslim!” or “Oh! I’m not completely honest and trusting of my girlfriend about my faith and how comfortable I am with an interracial/religious relationship! I’m a shitty boyfriend!”
The show deals with these kind innocuous and at times humorous things to start with. However, the episode ends with Ramy dating a Muslim woman and being shocked at how forward and kinky it is. When she sees how reluctant Ramy is, she rightfully calls him out for putting her in a “Muslim box” and leaves him. In a typical show this would be a mini-character arc as they learn that they are stereotyping their own community the same way others stereotype them. But nope, Ramy does not get this message one bit and things gradually ramp up with each episode.
For starters his whole “don’t do alcohol, drugs, masturbation, or sex” goes from being an amusing thing to juggle with in the modern age, to just downright obnoxious. Because not only does Ramy always give in to these urges, but he regularly chastises his friends for engaging in the same activity with strong “Holier Than Thou” energy, despite him offending these rules more than any of them.
This is particularly annoying with one of the friends who isn’t even Muslim. And due to his medical condition and physical attributes he is in contestant need of aid to do pretty much anything, so Ramy often physically stops him from engaging in acts that Ramy believes are immoral and go against Ramy’s faith but not necessarily his friend’s.
Here are the following things that Ramy does during season 1 that are very off putting that I haven’t mentioned yet:
- Constantly bitches and complains about how he can’t find a woman who “connects with him” despite every episode involving him discovering one, only so that he can immediately ditch them the next episode.
- Has zero consideration for his mother’s feeling and making sure that she is “okay” mentally.
- Helps his friend have sex with an intoxicated minor (I guess him doing a drugs is a big no no but under aged sex/sexual interactions is ok?)
- Nearly has sex with an extremely vulnerable intoxicated minor and is only spared the deed out of chance
- Has sex with a married woman, which results in her marriage in turmoil and his father chastising him and telling him how his family disagreed with him leaving Egypt behind for America and how his family may have been right.
It’s clear that all of this paints Ramy as a huge hypocrite and generally unlikable, but where things really shift into gear with the last two episodes. Due to his mistakes at home, he decides to run away go to pilgrimage to Egypt in order to find himself.
Upon arriving in Egypt he meets with his cousin. He comes across as an “American bro” type who just happens to grow up in Egypt. And thus that’s how Ramy sees him. He visits his Egyptian family for the first time since he was a young teenager. They are all happy to see him, but what becomes apparent is that his Egyptian family is far from perfect and honestly in many ways worse than his family at home.
They have terrible views on politics and society in general. They are extremely materialistic, with even the oldest member pressuring and rudely dismissing Ramy for not giving him his friend’s iPad. The iPad that wasn’t even Ramy’s to begin with.
During the trip Ramy is obsessed with seeing “the real Egypt”. He constantly says this to others, especially his cousin who keeps recommending him places to visit, but Ramy refuses as those places aren’t “the real Egypt”. This is despite his cousin being born, raised, and living in…Egypt.
To be fair, it makes sense what Ramy wants. He wants to experience traditional conservative Islam practices and cultural touchstones in order to connect with his inner roots. But it’s how he expresses this and the lens he sees this through that is the problem. His cousin eventually convinces Ramy to go to a party in which Ramy is extremely judgmental and makes an ass out of himself.
He opens up at the party by speaking to someone about the Egyptian Revolution. When anyone who is remotely well versed in it will know that the there was a fair amount of bloodshed during the transition and that the country is currently in a military dictatorship. Pretty much any world traveler will tell you the number one rule of when you are in a different country is that you don’t talk about politics.
He then proceeds to whine about how anti-Muslim the party is and then heavily criticize his cousin for using cocaine. His cousin has enough and pulls him over and explains to Ramy how Egypt really is. How his generation is lost and life in Egypt is in general very difficult.
Ramy reflects on this a bit and then apologizes. While at the party he meets yet another woman he is attracted to. He briefly speaks to her and finds that she would like to show him around more traditional parts of Egypt. Sadly, Ramy doesn’t see her at the part again. It isn’t until late at night back at his cousin’s house that he sees her again, and finds out that she is in fact his other cousin.
The next day Ramy goes off to visit his long lost grandpa where Ramy learns that despite his grandpa’s overt disapproval of his father moving to America, he actually was proud of his son and the choice he made. Unfortunately, before Ramy can press his grandfather with any questions he finds him dead.
During the funeral Ramy speaks with his female cousin. She obliges with her previous request and shows Ramy around Egypt. During this time they both bond with Ramy getting much more of the “authentic Egyptian experience” that he craved. It crescendos with him discovering a traditional prayer meet where he gets an experience like no other.
With the night just about over he is standing on a pier with his cousin. He proceeds to confess his feelings for her. She rejects him and tells him that he is crazy and they are just feeling a lot of strange emotions. They proceed kiss and then have sex. Ramy just had sex with his cousin…
This is how the first season ends and I couldn’t help but just hate Ramy. He is incredibly hypocritical, very self-absorbed, and doesn’t realize how he damages the people around him. Then Season 2 occurs and everything goes up to a ten.
Season 2 starts off with Ramy finding a new mosque and mentor in order to find better guidance in life. He speaks with the mentor. The mentor tells Ramy he will only take him in if Ramy is completely honest. Ramy proceeds to confess everything he did. But what stood out to me is that when he spoke about going to Egypt he said he “learned nothing” from the experience… So he went to his fatherland, found it in turmoil, found that the life his grandfather warned his father about was just as present in Egypt as it was in the United States, saw proof that his grandfather was proud of his father moving overseas and starting a new life, found unique and touching traditions including the best prayer in his life. And Ramy learned nothing from all of this?
The mentor takes him in on the account that Ramy does one single thing…that he always tells him the truth. The following proceeds to happen:
- Ramy finds a homeless vet who is extremely erratic and suffers from PTSD
- Wanting to impress his mentor, Ramy does his best to pressure the homeless vet that he should work for the mosque
- The vet clearly not in his right state of mind agrees.
- Ramy walks the vet to the mosque which the vet has a panic attack from hearing the muslim prayer and confesses to Ramy that he has killed many people
- Ramy calms the vet down (barely) and meets with his mentor.
- When he meets with his mentor he completely leaves out that the vet has clear signs of PTSD and his killed people in the past
This results in his mentor hiring the homeless vet and giving him a job. Initially the vet does well and enjoys working at the mosque so much that he wants to convert to Islam. The mosque agrees, but unfortunately during his conversion sermon there are anti-Muslim “protestors” outside. As soon as the vet is converted to Islam he storms outside and beats a protestor up so bad that he is an inch away from death. The entire thing is caught on video and goes viral.
Now you would think that Ramy realizing that him withholding information that the man he introduced had PTSD would result in a tearful confession toward his mentor. But no. He doesn’t say anything at all. He pretends that it was just a spontaneous thing that happened for no reason that no one couldn’t have predicted.
The next day him and his mentor visit the jail the vet is staying at.The mentor quickly finds out everything Ramy was hiding from him. He notices that the man is very erratic and seems to be desperate to buy into anything Ramy says to make sense of things, especially "that Islam stuff" as he puts it. The vet is worried about his dog that he left in his car over the past two days. The mentor and Ramy search for the dog all day and night. Despite Ramy's protests to quit, the mentor continues on and they find the dog. Upon returning to the mosque, the mentor tells Ramy that he isn't ready to go under his guidance and that if Ramy wants to be more in touch with the way of Islam, he has to take care of the dog first, as he should learn to care for it and that the dog will be very important to him in the future as it "chose him". In other words learn some basic responsibility.
So what's the first thing Ramy does when he gets home? What does he do after realizing that the man he tried to help is in jail for putting another man in a vegetative state? What does he do after betraying his mentor and putting the mosque he claimed he was so committed into jeopardy? What does he do after he claims he is turning a new leaf? He casually masturbates as if nothing happened. It's seriously one of the most disgusting things I've seen on TV. Not because masturbation is bad, but because he just seems not to care about the damage and destruction he has caused and sees the events in a"well that sucks" type of way.
At this point in the show, you wonder how you could possible hate him more. And then the show takes a turn where you know exactly how it is going to end from the onset. After two months of not taking care of the dog and learning or doing a single thing his mentor said, Ramy goes back to the mosque. He sees the mentor's daughter and asks her if he could help in anyway. She mentions that she's going to a former backer of the mosque to secure an investment they had lost due to the negative media coverage. Ramy convinces her to let him come due to him knowing Arabic and being able to translate since the funder being primarily an Arabic speaker he will likely be more trusting of someone who speaks the mother tongue. But when they get there Ramy realizes that they don't speak the same dialect as them and essentially embarrasses them and is in general all around useless.
However the ex-financial backer is interested in Ramy's dog, mostly due to its obedience to Ramy (the ex-financial backer is a horrible Jeffrey Epstein tier monster but treats animals well). He says that if Ramy gives him his dog then he will provide them with the financial assistance for the year. Ramy's mentor told him that the dog is special and will be key with Ramy making amends. Now anyone with common sense can put two and two together and realize that the dog's purpose was for this moment. But not Ramy. He declines and the backer asks him to do a challenge instead in which he succeeds they get the money but if they lose he gets the dog. Ramy...fails but due to a stroke of luck of the guy having crazy logic involving drinking Mia Khalifia's breast milk, Ramy secures the funds and keeps his dog.
As viewer witnessing this, you can't help but shake your head as Ramy clearly got lucky. However, the mentor's daughter sees things differently and sees a side of Ramy that she is attracted to. Ramy's mentor said that his daughter asked him for his permission if she could explore a relationship with Ramy. His mentor told him that he will allow it but tells Ramy that he has to confess to his daughter of his past deeds. Most notably he also tells Ramy, in a very vulnerable yet firm way, "please do not desecrate my daughter". Now Ramy being Ramy, you know that he's going to. But he does it in the worst possible way he could do it. Not in a positive way involving her freeing herself via the patriarchy. Not even in a more negative way in him "unintentionally" pressuring her in night of drugs and alcohol leading to sex. No no no. That's not what he does.
What happens is that Ramy bonds with his mentor's daughter via video chat for an entire month. They then decide to get married. However, a two days before his marriage he finds out that his family from Egypt is coming, including both of his cousins. Ramy freaks out about this like a literal crying child as he screams at his mother storms out of the room. The next day he meets with his cousins again and they seem happy to see him. Later that night his female cousin wants cigarettes and his mom can't go so she asks Ramy to take her. They then proceed to have sex the night before Ramy gets married...
So the next day Ramy gets married, looks guilty the entire time but tells nobody anything but tells his friends that he may have urges to still do stuff with other women to which one of his friends responds with "well The Prophet had multiple wives, why can't you?" Being stupid, Ramy takes this into legitimate consideration. Keep in mind at this point Ramy has EVERYTHING he could ever ask for. A beautiful and smart wife, his mentor officially part of his family, and him being closer to his roots in Egypt, yet he still feels "empty"...
Anyway, Ramy gets married and proceeds to have sex with his wife. Literally a few seconds after having sex he talks to her about him having multiple wives and confesses to her that he had sex with his cousin the night before (oh yeah I forgot to type that Ramy didn't really disclose to his wife what he actually did, because of course he didn't). Being more disgusted than angry his wife immediately goes to sleep with Ramy falling asleep not long after. Ramy wakes up to find his wife gone and his father-in-law mentor sitting beside him.
What proceeds to happen is Ramy trying to apologize in the bitchiest and whiniest ways possible while showing no legit remorse for what he's done. He barely brings up how he has hurt his wife and is more worried about how he has sabotaged his relationship with his mentor. In fact, he doesn't even mention his wife beyond the opening sentences. His mentor mentions that the guy the vet Ramy brought to the church beat to near death...died. To which Ramy responds with literally "Oh that's bad. I mean he was a racist and wanted us all to die, but he didn't deserve to die." After a few more minutes of Ramy constantly not taking any real responsibility for his actions, his mentor finally snaps and literally tells Ramy to fuck off and that he nothing but a "little little boy" and that he always hurts people. He also tells Ramy that he has never met someone like him and can't fix or help him. Still believing that he can make amends, Ramy runs to the bathroom to cleanse himself and runs back out to continue the conversation with his mentor. But his mentor is no longer there, he is gone.
Taking zero introspection from this extremely traumatic moment he returns home to speak with his female cousin. But upon getting there he finds his entire family sitting down conversation. They greet him and clearly aren't aware of the situation at hand. Before Ramy can speak with his female cousin, his male cousin pulls him over. The male cousin confesses to Ramy that he starting to have feelings for Ramy's sister and feels guilty that he has feelings for his cousin. He then storms off feeling disgusted at himself. Ramy then sees his female cousin go outside and Ramy follows him. Not long after his male cousin gets himself in a bind as Ramy's sister wants to take him to the Apple store to get him a new charger. But we know nothing is going to come from this because despite Ramy's cousin being a shallow American society corrupted bro, he is still ten times the man Ramy is.
Ramy speaks with his female cousin and tries to convince her that they belong together. She gives him a firm no as she explains to him that whenever she is with him she feels disgusted and is filled with regret. And she continues on with how emotionally manipulative Ramy is as he constantly pressures her when she is in emotionally vulnerable situations. She goes back inside and Ramy leaves his house not long after. He takes his dog to the car he found it in. He starts up the car and finds out there is a CD in the stereo. It's titled "How to be a Good Muslim" Ramy listens to it for guidance and inspiration.
There is something very sickening about this. He is in a car listening to a CD that belonged to a man who Ramy essentially manipulated into purchasing. A man who now sits in jail for life for murdering someone, due to Ramy misjudging and manipulating him. A man that if Ramy left alone, then it wouldn't have led the events unfolding into a way where he would marry the mentor's daughter and eventually throw both the daughter and the mentor's lives in turmoil. By every account Ramy should be hearing this CD and begin tearing down, crying in the car. The CD is covered in the blood through his wake. Yet, he doesn't see that, he just takes the CD as a "sign" of how he should be a "good Muslim" instead of a "good person". It's fucking disgusting.
I was convinced that this show pulled a Bojack Horseman. In which the first couple episodes have you think it will be a show about a self-absorbed (but not comically so) character who has to juggle multiple aspects of their life as they discover the correct path they should follow, but only to gradually see that the protagonist is actually a fucking monster.
Yet, upon watching an interview with the show's creator...this isn't the case.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDxbFwFjW1M&feature=emb_title
He sees the show as a commentary of how Muslim conservative culture clashes with growing up with liberal Western American values. As if somehow him destroying people's lives is just part of the struggle. And with the show being described as "semi-autobiographical" I really hope that only goes as far as "it's about a Muslim millennial growing up in New Jersey."
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2020.08.19 00:06 magicalbird Asian Male Dating in SF vs NYC

Working on yourself by getting fit, learning social skills, being stylish, and building your career are the most important variables.
That being said, demographics still matter. Throughout the years of my time on the Asian subreddits it's noticeable that the majority of success stories come from NYC and many woe is me stories come from the SF Bay Area region. While you need to work on yourself a lot of it will come down to your priorities.
Here is an example from an anonymous user from Quora.
So, here are the reasons why I feel that the dating scene for Asian men is worse in SF than the NYC:
I still live in and love SF Bay Area, much more than any city in the World, due to the weather and entrepreneurial (tech) culture! And I'm willing to tolerate its drawbacks because of that. But if your main criteria to choosing the city is the dating scene, then definitely go with NYC."
https://www.quora.com/For-an-Asian-male-is-it-easier-to-date-in-San-Francisco-or-NYC-with-all-other-factors-the-same
I also want to add one that the transportation system in NYC also encourages nightlife with the NY subway system whereas the bay area BART trains stop running around 1am. Also the bay area has a ruthless level of traffic so most people living in SF only want to date in SF and maybe Oakland instead of branching out into the suburbs. Same for San Jose or Man Jose as some call it.
Figure out what you want to prioritize and accept where you live or move.
submitted by magicalbird to aznidentity [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 18:09 magicalbird Asian Male Dating in SF vs NYC

Working on yourself by getting fit, learning social skills, being stylish, and building your career are the most important variables.
That being said, demographics still matter. Throughout the years of my time in am it's noticeable that the majority of success stories come from NYC and many woe is me stories come from SF. While you need to work on yourself a lot of it will eventually come down to your priorities.
Here is an example from an anonymous user from Quora.
"Alright, I'm 30, Korean, tall, athletic, successful. I've lived in SF for the last 13 years and my dating life was ok. I've had a few relationships, friends with benefits and many one night stands. 95% of the women I've dated were Caucasian. That being said, I needed to work really hard (and I still do) to get dates.
I've been to NYC 6 times, mostly for work; staying anywhere from 3 days to up to a month. I've had dates every time I've visited. And just found it to be MUCH easier to hook-up and get physical. And after traveling for quite a bit to other countries (and within the US), I'm convinced that SF is one of the worst cities in the World for straight men!
So, here are the reasons why I feel that the dating scene for Asian men is worse in SF than the NYC:
I still live in and love SF Bay Area, much more than any city in the World, due to the weather and entrepreneurial (tech) culture! And I'm willing to tolerate its drawbacks because of that. But if your main criteria to choosing the city is the dating scene, then definitely go with NYC."
https://www.quora.com/For-an-Asian-male-is-it-easier-to-date-in-San-Francisco-or-NYC-with-all-other-factors-the-same
Figure out what you want to prioritize and accept where you live or move.
submitted by magicalbird to AsianMasculinity [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 15:42 empathetix My (23F) white boyfriend (26M) doesn’t stand up to his offensive, frat boy friends (interracial relationship)

I’m dating a white guy and I am a non-white woman. He is into social justice and likes to have important conversations about stereotyping, BLM, etc. But many of his friends are the rich, white frat guy types who definitely say asshole things with race and gender, and that makes me uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to understand how you can supposedly be an ally but associate with people who don’t care about POC and social justice. To me it comes off as him not having to stand up to them because it doesn’t affect him, as a white person. But in my own life, I have to say something when race stuff gets brought up because it does impact me. He has the luxury to just sit back and ignore it.
Any advice for people who have been in similar situations? Is this stupid to feel upset about it sometimes? Or should I care more? I feel like this kind of thing is a big part of interracial relationships.
It’s early on in our relationship and I haven’t hung out with his friends because of the pandemic (I’m in the US). But I’m given the impression I might not be okay with the things they say.
submitted by empathetix to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 15:38 empathetix Interracial relationship, my SO doesn’t stand up to his offensive, frat boy friends

I’m dating a white guy and I am a non-white woman. He is into social justice and likes to have important conversations about stereotyping, BLM, etc. But many of his friends are the rich, white frat guy types who definitely say asshole things with race and gender, and that makes me uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to understand how you can supposedly be an ally but associate with people who don’t care about POC and social justice. To me it comes off as him not having to stand up to them because it doesn’t affect him, as a white person. But in my own life, I have to say something when race stuff gets brought up because it does impact me. He has the luxury to just sit back and ignore it.
Any advice for people who have been in similar situations? Is this stupid to feel upset about it sometimes? Or should I care more? I feel like this kind of thing is a big part of interracial relationships.
submitted by empathetix to dating [link] [comments]


2020.08.14 02:43 armchannel12345 40 [m4f] #Burlingame Your Potential AP

I'm looking for an AP with whom I can be compatible with and connect emotionally (and more?). Here I am summarized, in bullet form:
I'd like to woo you with my stunning good looks, but due to OPSEC reasons I’ll hold off on posting a photo. But I wonder if bullet points painted a good picture of what I’m like and what I’m about (since no one else does this). What do you think?
I plan on offering a lot in our potential relationship. Materialism aside, I intend to communicate with you daily and learn about you, your thoughts, your life, your interests. I want to understand you, appreciate you, and have you on my mind often. I want to spend the time to form an emotional connection with you, and fall in love with you, while not changing each other's situation. Let's inspire each other, and help each other achieve our hopes and dreams, and become better people.
Of course, the fun and physical activities are nice too, once life gets back to normal I suppose, which hopefully happens something along the lines of biweekly to monthly at least. I'm great at compartmentalizing our relationship, so in the new world we create, it's just you and I when we are together. Overall, I hope it'll be a lasting relationship that fills the void in our hearts.
Meanwhile, I'm looking for someone who's gentle and has a good heart. Ideally HWP and local to San Francisco, Millbrae, or Burlingame. I have no preference for age or race.
If that's you, please put "Hi I'm a spammer!" in subject as apparently, lots of bots/spammers/scammers on reddit, and sarcasm is always nice. :)
submitted by armchannel12345 to SFr4r [link] [comments]


2020.08.06 07:40 Thenotoriousdev Experience Studying Abroad in Finland as an Asian American dude

What's up y'all,
Wanted to do a report here on what it was like studying abroad in Finland as an Asian guy. Finland wasn't really my first choice as I wanted to go to Fiji or an Asian country, but I'm really glad I decided to live there, as it helped take me out of the American bubble and see how Asian guys are viewed in another sphere of the world.
TL;DR Finland was an amazing place to be as an Asian exchange student and it really opened my eyes. My first night was amazing and set the tone for the next six months. Despite being in a country with > 90% ethnic homogeneity, I felt at home by having a tight study abroad group and surrounding myself with Finns who weren't racist/ were open minded. The weather sucks but being studying abroad in Finland was overall a positive experience in a lot of aspects, not just in dating.
I know that we're all mostly Asians from the West here, but even within our community, our backgrounds and perspectives are diverse, so for reference I'm a Filipino college kid from SoCal who has been travelling for a bit. I'm 5'6" for all those dudes obsessed about height.
My first night in Finland, I flew into Helsinki around 2000 at night, checked into my hostel at 2200, and after, I went out to some random nightclub that popped up first on a Google search.
In Finland in the Winter, you have to a bring a thick as hell coat to the nightclub so you can pay the coat fee (like 3 to 5 euros). I was wearing two sweaters under a Nike jacket when I went to the club and the bouncer sent me away to grab my jacket again, promising that they'll let me in for free since I told them it was my first night in Finland. I came back and they let me in, telling me to have a good time.
The inside of the club wasn't amazing, but I wasn't really complaining as I just wanted to spend the night moving around after being stuck in a plane for 11 hours. The first girl I saw was this cute Basque girl and I asked her to dance with me as a bachata song was playing. After the song ended, I told her she was cute and she said she had a boyfriend. I wanted to stick around a bit to see if it was a shit test, and turns it she actually does as her boyfriend (From another part of Spain) came around and introduced himself. They were both really friendly and gave me tips for being in Finland in the Winter. They both left saying they had work in the morning and so I decided to hang out with this giant group of Senegalese and Cuban guys. I speak decent Spanish so I tried interacting with the the Cubans despite having difficulty with understanding their accent and we built some rapport off of that. Later in the night I saw these two really cute Finnish girls and I knew I had to say hi.
They were both hanging out by themselves in an empty table by the dance floor and asked them to both dance. The first song was some EDM thing and the girl and I just exchanged playful banter. The second song was some Reggaeton song and me and the other girl did some hybrid grinding/bachata stuff. They both left saying they needed to go to the bathroom and to stay where I was. After they left I saw another Finnish girl and decided to approach and her (I think boyfriend) came around and I could tell they were a thing so I just decided to have conversation. I introduced myself as American and they both started asking questions about the US the entire time. The two girls started to come back and the Finnish couple were like "Looks like they're back, have fun". I thought this type of behavior was just one-off, but as I would later find out, Finnish guys aren't territorial about other Finnish women dating interracial.
I spent most of the night with these two girls, just chatting, dancing, grinding with both, but the second girl I danced with (to the Reggaeton song) showed more interest in me and I wanted to close with her. The clubs here close at 4/5 AM so I went to McDonalds with the two girls and a Senegalese dude from the giant group from earlier. I split off with the second girl to take the train to her place and closed. I wanted to see Helsinki and she had worked so I left and said goodbye. Walking around Finland, the microaggressions I got were mostly stares from older people (40+) but nothing big. Finnish people tend to keep to themselves so I was alone most of the day. After exploring Helsinki, I took a nap at the hostel, and went to an organized hostel event. It was kind of boring so I texted the girl I slept with the previous night and asked what she was doing and she said she'd be at XYZ club. I said I'd meet her a few hours later so I checked out some other clubs. I number closed and friend closed a few times at the first club and the second club was crap so I met the girl at the third club. I bought her some drinks,and then we chatted for a bit before heading back to her place. It was my last day in Helsinki so I woke up earlier to get my stuff at the hostel and she said goodbye to me at the train/bus station as I left for my university city. I met this dude from Germany who would end up being in my same student mentor group said hi to me and we spent the bus trip talking about Germany and the US.
As you can see, Helsinki was a pretty good first impression of Finland. The people were nice to me, I got to see places, closed with a girl twice, etc. but what I really got out of those first two nights was that me being of a different race and background in Finland didn't have a negative impact aside from the old people being passive aggressive.
When I got to the university town, our student mentor picked us up and dropped us off at our apartments. My apartment was kind of shitty compared to the places I stayed at in the US but I wasn't complaining as it was part of the experience of being somewhere new for me. I joined a exchange student WhatsApp group and went to a few pre-Orientation events. The first was a board game night in my neighborhood where I would meet my core group for the entirety of the trip and a walk around the city center with some kids from the other student buildings. Both times I was being social and introducing myself. At the orientation I kept networking with both guys and girls as it was really cool to see all these different folks from all around the world, although most were from Europe. After the orientation we split off into our student mentor groups and had some beecoffee with them.
The night after was the pre-semester kickoff at one of the clubs, and I organized a pregame with the group from the board game night, then we hit the club.
The club wasn't nice by major American city standards, but it did the job of providing the right atmosphere of fun. The night consisted of just dancing around with my newfound friend group, taking swigs of Finnish beer and shots every 10-30 minutes, and breaking off from the group every time I saw someone cute to go and say hi. Eventually I developed a reputation of the super social talkative American (not Asian, or Asian-American) as explained to me by other students and my friends from the board game night later on in the semester. It seems like Europeans aren't so hung up on race like Americans so it never seemed like a negative to be Asian aside from a few incidents which I'll detail in another post.
We were partying hard (pregaming, going to the club,leaving after 2-3AM ) 3-4x a week those first two months. Every week or so January and February, instead of being helped out of the club drunk and spending the morning at laughing and giggling, drunk with friends after the club, I'd go home with a Finnish girl to her place (my place was shitty so logistics there was bad), and wake up early enough to walk back to my place and grab my stuff before school started. If we weren't partying, we were organizing trips to other parts of Finland/Europe. Within this timeframe our group developed a party reputation and people would show up to our pregames from other student neighborhoods, and eventually we merged with another neighborhood nearby with a similar reputation. Our group thus become as multicultural as you can get in a European setting: We had people from all over the world having a good time.
We hit a snag in March and April when Coronavirus came into our reality and I had a dry spell in March of not seeing other girls(but not of alcohol and partying). There were cute girls within our group but I always ran social circle game in SoCal and wanted to keep sticking to the "trying something new" approach and didn't want to risk the awkwardness as we were all living super close to each other. We still had small parties, and our outings turned into apartment / house parties as only small gatherings were allowed at that time. Some people started going back home to their countries and alot of these small gatherings were pretty much goodbye parties.
When things started to look better in Finland in April/May we started venturing out again and I continued my habit of just cold approaching girls (I knew I was going to leave so for me there was no semblance of failure/rejection/consequence if there was a negative outcome) but due to the Coronavirus still limiting bars and restaurants to close at 11 PM, me closing on a weekly basis turned into closing on a biweekly basis.
In June, I was done with all my classes and by that time Finland was mostly free except for the clubs closing earlier (at that time Finland was reporting ~ 1 new case of COVID a day). Mostly everybody from the study abroad community and my friend group had returned to their original countries but the US was (and is still a shitshow when I am posting this) so I decided to stay and see more of Finland before coming back in July. I went back to closing close to weekly with women during this period.
Besides the partying, getting to see Europe, meeting cool people, and the regular successful closes with women, my other positive experiences from Finland included getting the chance to learn Chinese and experiencing a more ideal standard of living for an Asian man in the West. I took a Chinese class at the university taught by a sweet Mainlander lady, and it was nice to take a first step toward my fourth language and my second Asian language. Living in Finland as an Asian-American was such a nice breath of fresh air, and would actually consider moving to Helsinki or another university town if the anti-Asian sentiment in the US grows to guaranteed life-threatening levels.
There were some interesting dynamics I noticed in my interactions with folks during my time in Finland.
All things aren't in a vacuum and before you chalk up Europe to be a haven for Asians in the West, I'll point out things that might differ from your experiences.
There were definitely negatives too. I didn't elaborate on the horrible weather of Finland and my two-three brushes with racism. There was passive-aggressiveness from like 60-70% of the 35+ age group in Finland, but I mostly hung around and approached young people so it didn't really bother me. Being stuck abroad with COVID definitely gave me anxiety for those first two weeks we were just doing nothing, not knowing what would happen. There was a Neonazi public gathering in my city at the same time a BLM matter gathering was organized. For those wondering how did this college kid close consistently with girls in Europe, I didn't elaborate on the hundreds of times I got rejected or blown out, but these are part of the experiences of life and make you strongemore experienced.
If you get the chance to read the end of this post, I hope this inspires you to go beyond America or the country you're from, at least for a short amount of time, once the COVID shitshow is over. There are other pockets & parts of the world that aren't extremely anti-Asian like what the US is turning into. (If anti-Asian racism due to the rise of China or COVID gets to extreme guaranteed life-threatening levels around the world when you read this, please disregard). If you're in college, consider doing study abroad, even if it isn't to an Asian country. Have no expectations and just be pleasantly surprised at what the world offers. You'll experience racism and the discomfort of new things but at least you'll know what its like to be Asian/a Westernized Asian in another country.
submitted by Thenotoriousdev to AsianMasculinity [link] [comments]


2020.07.31 15:59 astrochondriac An observation on interracial dating trends involving Asian men in 2020.

I live in a world class city (the biggest one in the United States) and I have seen interracial dating trends shift in a big way to where it involves Asian men. After lurking through this sub, it seems like you guys consider Indians to be Asians too but I have seen a slight difference in trends for Indian men than I have Asian men, I'll touch on both. My post could be completely unique to my city or it could be something you guys are seeing in your city too, let me know.
My observations are from walking around on the streets, going out a lot to bars before lockdowns happened (I am including 2019 here too), going to a lot of events with younger attractive people in it, and from cool Asian guys I've connected with over that time. Here go the trends:
If you are not chasing white girls in 2020, you are missing out on a major market. Younger attractive white women are going interracial in droves with men of all races.
The whiter she looks the more she is desperate to go interracial, I mean it when I say desperate. One of my good friends is a blond guy who complains saying how Asian women, Latin, and darker skinned white women throw themselves at him but he cannot get a blonde that looks good to save his life. My other friend is a Thai guy who cannot keep redheads and blondes off of him, he is built like an athlete and the stereotypical yoga pants ugg boots blondes love him whenever we go out.
Even Indian men, who are known for having the lowest value among women of other races, are having luck and getting good vibes from white girls from what I see.
My theory here is that white women just got fed up with the hypocrisy behind interracial dating. White guys can go for whatever race they want and have been going interracial in droves themselves with Asian and brown women (of all kinds) yet white women are supposed to stay loyal? I think we reached a breaking point where young white women said fuck it and I am seeing it play out so much now. If you wanted to date white girls, no better year than 2020.
Black women are down and love Asian men, of all kinds.
African American women seem to love Indian guys from what I have seen and cool Asian guys get a good reception. It's almost like I have noticed that black women are secretly cheering for Asian men whenever the world gives em shit and want them to come out on top. If you like black women as an Asian guy or Indian guy, go for it. Black guys are okay with black women going interracial although I have seen that if she is lighter skinned, there is somewhat more hostility there. If not a lover, a black woman seems to definitely respect and want to be an ally for a cool masculine Asian man.
Any other minority group than our own, you're mostly shit out of luck.
Now East Asian guys can do well with Latinas from what I have seen but Latinas absolutely hate Indian guys, I've not even seen the cool alpha Indian men get a good reception from them. I notice that as a whole though, women of any other minority group than black and Asian are slowly where Asian women were at the peak of white worship. I'd even argue that Latinas are far bigger white worshipers these days than Asian women are and Middle Eastern women are getting there as well (we have a big enough population in my city).
This carries over on to white women from more swarthy groups too. I notice that women who are from the Balkans or Armenia tend to also hate Indians and Asians, although Asians a lot less so.
East Asian men should definitely count their blessings here though, you have it miles and miles better than your Indian brothers when going for women from these kinds of minority groups. As a guy who has a thing for Latinas, I'd hate to be Indian or Pakistani looking, for some reason they absolutely hate Indian, Pakistani, and Arabic men.
I notice that the hot and younger girls from these groups also seem to hate their own men too and opt to go for white and in some cases black guys instead.
Even though it was an interracial dating thread, women of our own race are coming around now.
I see young and good looking Asian American girls go for Asian guys and I even see it with Indian women. It seems like the trend is that with Asian and Indian women, they are open to going interracial but their obsession with whiteness is more toned down now compared to a Latina or Arab girl who is desperate for a Chad.
If you are an Asian guy, don't ignore your own sisters because of one who sold out hard. If you are an Indian guy who looks cool, you can still get hot Indian girls if you want to please your exotic tastes.
It ain't all bad, I'd be interested to see how this plays out in the coming years.
submitted by astrochondriac to AsianMasculinity [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 04:43 smoneyhunny24 LGBT American interested in moving to Germany

I am a 25 year old African American/Puerto Rican woman. I fee years ago I traveled to Sweden and Denmark and I really fell in love with the culture I expirenced in those European countries. People weren't so caught up in social media, everything felt calmer and much simple. Anyway I've started to learn german and have began to research the country a lot. My question is for those in the gay community. Where in germany would I find a large community? How do germans feel about interracial dating? Would I as a minority face discrimination? And is making friends easy or hard? I've noticed that most Europeans keep to themselves and small talk is pretty much non existent. Also what is the view on Americans, in sweden I came across a few people who seemed to hold a strong disregard for Americans. No matter what I said they kept trying to force me in to this stereotypical definition of who Americans are.
submitted by smoneyhunny24 to AskAGerman [link] [comments]


2020.07.19 22:14 ProudMalamuteowner What Indian men can learn from the interracial dating success of Asian men in the western world.

On a previous thread, I posted about why Indian men need to speak the fuck up because the whiners, moaners and negative nancies are flooding the web with their BS and making it one giant sob gathering. The sub dedicated to South Asian masculinity isn't helping either, it's pretty damned toxic IMO and a waste of space. Hardly any good discussion gets going there and most posts are just people crying all the time about how tough it is to be brown. The sub has failed us and is a toxic cesspool of garbage where no actionable items are talked about and men just whine all fucking day about being brown, it is even worse than an incel forum and is pretty much an Indian version of PUAHate (the site that produced Eliot Rodger).
I feel like while our East Asian brothers have made significant strides with interracial dating, Indian men have been left in the dust and have not even bothered. Pretty soon, as desis assimilate more into American society, we will have the same situation our Asian brothers dealt with for far too long. Desi women that are hot will date interracial in high numbers while the men are left being incel, it might be even worse for us than it was for Asian men.
Asian men have just flat out had more success going interracial with beautiful women of all races and Desi men have not.
Now with these significant strides that Asian men have made, I think Desi men need to take notes and learn from our Asian brothers. Here are some lessons I think we need to learn.
Racial unity. You are a fucking Indian guy, not a Mediterranean, Arab, Persian, or Latino but a fucking Indian guy. Stop bragging about being confused for other races, it is low value behavior.
Maybe it is because Asians have a distinct look that make it tough for them to pass for anything but Asian so it's a non-topic. One thing I see Indian men do that frustrates me and is low value behavior is often bragging about being mistaken for other races. Dude, cut it out. You are a fucking Indian guy, plain and simple. When others see you, they see a fucking Indian guy. Own up to that shit and lose this whole desperation to want to be other races. Almost all Indian men I have known who bragged about being mistaken for other races were awful with women and usually had some form of mental illness, they were unhinged. Unfortunately, I find this most true of lighter skinned Indian men if anything.
And seriously, stop flooding conversations about which part of India is better than the other. To everyone else, you're a fucking desi, no matter what shade of brown you are.
I am tired of so much of the conversation revolving around what part of India is what and which part is superior. The worst is when you fucking aspies go into historical dialogue about it on dating forums, shut the fuck up! Seriously, just because your skin is a few shades lighter does not stop some fucking racist from stereotyping you. Shut the fuck up about this shit, you are wasting everyone's fucking time. To the world, north or south, you are a fucking Indian.
Among Asian men even, I see more unity. Even if it is Japanese and Chinese, there is unity in the dating improvement conversation.
Don't get too comfortable and start taking action on making yourself attractive.
Hit the gym, look good, take classes to improve your social skills, and go out to meet people. Do not get too cozy inside of whatever community you are a part of, believe me when I say that some of those pure girls you think are saving themselves for marriage are getting busy with men outside of your community beforehand. I don't want to depress you too much on a Sunday but let's just say that the hot Indian girl you have been pining for has already "experimented" a bit behind your back before settling down while you thought you had an arrange marriage to fall back on. The world is fucking, young people even moreso. Time for you to get on that train, do not enter an arranged marriage without having had some of the fun yourself.
Asian men were almost forced to self-improvement due to Asian women being so self-hating and openly hating their own kind, especially in the US. Indian men are more closed off to this but with Mindy Kalings and Priyanka Chopras being the norm, some of us are slowly coming to our senses.
Expand your fucking horizons.
Some say that one of the reasons the Brits conquered India other than us hating each other is that we never expanded or bothered to be a navy power. I think laziness may as well be in the blood of an Indian man who wants to take the path of least resistance. Even now, the Indian man stays cozy in his own community, thinking that arranged marriage will somehow save him. That Indian guy is living on borrowed time. As Indian women assimilate more and more into western society, he is going to get a reality check for the ages once he sees the same shit Asian men were seeing for decades with their women going for white men.
Asian men expanded their horizons though, a good number did not obsess over white women like a lot of Indian men do. A lot of our Asian brothers went for women of other races and even did things like travel to other countries for game. Meanwhile, Indian men are too busy sitting on our fat lazy asses hoping for that arranged marriage meal ticket. Oh brother oh brother, you just wait until you get that gut check, it will hit you harder than the British Raj hit our ancestors.
Share your fucking story, even if it is a bad one, be specific and be honest with yourself.
Did that hot blonde really reject you for being Indian or did she reject you because you are short, overweight, smell, and dressed like you are straight out of a computer lab?
Share your fucking story and if it is a good one. Really fucking share it. The world is begging and crying for a successful Indian man to share his success story, it is dying for it.
We have had so many losers flood comment sections and forums talking about how women hate Indian men, have probably never even talked to a woman before, are truly ugly men who don't care for themselves, and we can desperately use a good story. Hell, even if you went out there and failed, share the lessons you have learned and what you did.
I really think in this internet age, it is more important than ever that we empower Asian and Indian men who are having success to speak up and share their stories. I am going to start a movement on this sub called the SpeakUp movement where I want Asian and Indian voices to be heard.
submitted by ProudMalamuteowner to AsianMasculinity [link] [comments]


2020.07.17 20:24 Pieassassin24 I’ve gained a new level of empathy for women who experience sexual harassment.

Yesterday my dog and I are going to check the mail and as we’re on the way back to our apartment, a guy I’ve never seen before calls me out. At first I’m a little sketched out, but he comes off extremely friendly so I stop and talk to him for a bit. Young guy about my age, Middle Eastern accent, speaks flawless English.
He then asks me straight up “Hey man, I’ve seen you around and noticed you have a white girlfriend, you seem like a really chill guy and I was just wondering...HOW did you do that?!” I grow visibly uncomfortable and break eye contact with the dude, realizing I’ve just stumbled into a social anxiety nightmare. Even my dog is looking up at me like “Wtf, bro?”
I’m a 6’0 black man and probably the least confrontational person I know. I laugh nervously and don’t tell the guy off and I’m too awkward to just say I’d rather not talk about it or that I’m actually in the middle of work, which wouldn’t have even been a lie, but I feel like I’D be being rude if I didn’t field this guy’s ridiculous questions.
At this point though it’s pretty clear I’d rather be anywhere else. Then he goes on to ask me to verify or dispel a bunch of dumb ass stereotypes like “I hear they’re really nice, are they nice?” “ I heard they’re expensive” I explain nicely that it’s not really like that and people are people. I say that I’m honestly the “expensive” one in our relationship and that I’ve been with girls who are really nice and really shitty.
Instead of taking this in his follow up question is “Wait, you’ve been with more than one white girl?” I’m so uncomfortable I’m looking around to see if anyone is in earshot. I say “I mean, I’ve been with more than one PERSON, yes, these are people, dude.” Once again this goes over his head and he goes on about how hard it is to meet women. Finally I’m exasperated and just blurt out “Tinder. Get tinder” tell him how to download it and hurry home feeling really dirty and gross.
I honestly feel like I did women everywhere a disservice by potentially unleashing that kind of dumb shit out into the dating world. But I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable hours after the fact.
The fact that he’s been watching my girlfriend and I until he got the courage to approach one of us unsettles me. It’s never been easy being an interracial couple but this is the first time I’ve ever been made to feel so objectified, like I wasn’t a person to this guy, I was a personification of his warped views and my girlfriend was even less than that. The fact he had the best of intentions, and was honestly a very friendly guy meant little in contrast to that.
That’s what I feel like a lot of us don’t understand, if the best of intentions, or the nicest compliments make someone feel uncomfortable then they cease to be positive. I gained new respect for how difficult and honestly scary it must be to be a woman who has been subjected to this kind of behavior and I don’t think I’ll ever forget this feeling.
submitted by Pieassassin24 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.07.15 10:38 Royal_Ambition Indian men and white women

I read something that suggested South Asian (Indian, Pakistani etc) men often faced the same negative stereotypes East Asian men did. Nerdy, effeminate etc. Their level or success in dating WFs was similar or even less than other AMs.
I see an equal amount of East/Southeast Asian men with white women along with South Asian men with white women, (though both are rare in the Bay Area, especially with Indians who mostly stick with other Indians here). I do see Asian women with Whites and other races very often, but almost never an Indian woman with a non Indian guy
Do you have any thoughts or experiences on this? AMs from East and SE Asia, do you feel an affinity to South Asians?
What do most WFs here think of Indians? Whether it be Indian American men born and raised in the US or Indian men from India?
Is there an Sub (preferably NOT NSFW) that is for Indian males in interracial relationships (with White women and other women), similar to AMWF or AMWFS or even BlackMeetsWhite
submitted by Royal_Ambition to amwf [link] [comments]


2020.07.07 03:41 freiza- Experience of a Ricecel

(Disclaimer: this is not mine, I found it on .me)
"Ricecel living in Southwest Indiana. Chinese father. Filipina mother. Father died when I was 10. White stepfather came into the picture 2 years later, along with his alcohol and abuse problems. Only Ricecel living in my town. Currently still living with my parents as long as I give half of my income to them as rent.
Physical Stats: Age: 36. Height: 5'4 (last annual doctor's appointment 4 months ago). Weight: 129 lbs. with 15% Body Fat as of writing (via FitBit Scale). Was 127 at my annual checkup. Wrist Circumference: 6 in. measured with measuring tape. Dick (Length x Girth): 3 in. x 3 in. measured with measuring tape. Job: Wal-Mart Cashier.
Can't grow any facial hair. Have the Asian bucktooth overbite. If you don't know what that is, google any Chinese Exclusion Act cartoon back then in the 1880-90s. My family never had the money to get me braces. Voicecel bc my voice sounds gay and with a heavy lisp due to the way my lower face is developed (also recorded my own voice to verify). Eyelid height approx. 1/8 of an inch measured with a measuring tape. Flat nose. Receding hairline AND bald spot. Crow's feet and dark circles. Developing wrinkles on forehead.
Sex stats: KHHV. Never went to high school parties (never invited because who would lol) or dances (forget prom; not that anyone would accept my prom request or anyone would dance with me at HS dances). Went to community college. Never attended any college party. I never had a girl grind her ass on me, so I don't even know what another foid's ass feels like (forget tits). In fact, my parents never kissed me on the cheek as far as I remember, not even as a young boy (maybe as a baby but even that is debatable. Can't ask my mother now because she doesn't talk to me anymore). My only "real" sexual experience? My white stepfather was fucking my mother with the bedroom door open, as my mother screamed how big his cock was. That's the only sexual experience I have. Currently doing self-therapy right now as I have been getting off to too much WMAF porn in the past.
Dating stats: None. Zero. Zip. Used Tinder for 5 years. Bumble for 3. No Tinder or Bumble matches within 100 (Tinder) or 250 (Bumble) miles of my home. No Tinder matches even with Passport, or Bumble matches with Travel, even in "Asian enclaves" like San Francisco, Los Angeles, and NYC. My mother is Filipina, and tried putting my Tinder Passport in Manila, Davao, and Cebu (no luck because duh), and tried other Asian countries like Bangkok, Shanghai, and Seoul. No matches. I even have a pic with a dog on it because every single fucking dating article says having that pic increases your chances of matching, but I'm pretty sure all the women around me think I'm just prepping it for a meal or some shit.
My former delusional cope: I tried to find self-esteem going on cam sites. Some told me I'm handsome, but when I ask honestly what they think of me, they go "average" 5/10, which translates to 0/10 because cam models prop your self-esteem up to keep you coming back and visiting and spending money on you. This is the only thing going for me right now, but shit is expensive. Yes. It had gotten to THAT point. I'm off of that cope now and just sticking to gardening and nature shit, but I'm sharing this because so I can encourage others to forgive themselves and move on from their cringey experiences too.
I cope and try to be positive and say positive things to myself. Try to engage politically, socially, etc. I try to help others out if they have questions. However, how can you be confident and positive when LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD THINKS YOU'RE UGLY AND MASK IT AND SAY YOU'RE "CUTE" IN ORDER TO MAKE NOT ME, but THEM FEEL BETTER??
I'm angry. I'm hurt. This world is so cruel. I wish Asian men were sex symbols in Hollywood and entertainment, but that means another race would be left out, and as someone who tries to have a pure heart, I don't want other races to suffer the hurt I'm going through. Is this the burden put on me? To carry this enormous weight so others can be sexually free?
"But riceronicel, there's always someone out there for you!"
FUCK YOU AND ANYONE WHO DARES SAY THAT TO MY FACE. THAT'S JUST FOIDS' WAY OF TELLING ME THAT I'M NOT GOOD FOR THEM. IF THERE'S "SOMEONE" OUT THERE, THEN WHY don't YOU MAKE AN EFFORT YOU FUCKING FOID?!?!
Every day I go on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Facebook, or any other social media platform, all I see are Stacys dating white, black, or Hispanic Chads or Normies. You NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, see ANY, I repeat, ANY Stacy even be IMPLIED, let alone SEEN, in a PLATONIC pic together with a RICE, let alone these social media platforms EVER PROMOTE IT. FORGET RELATIONSHIPS. FORGET MARRIAGES. FORGET FAMILIES.
I'm convinced of something that sounds outrageous to the conventional mind, but I can't help but think this is extremely true. There must be a reason why Hollywood celebrities, entertainers, and supermodels/IG models never have relationships with ANY Asian man (let alone interracial relationships involving Asian men), even the Changs. It's definitely not that they're unavailable, which makes ZERO sense because Los Angeles, the Chad/Stacy entertainment capital of the world and No. 1 destination for all IG Chads/Stacys, has one of the highest concentrations of Rice men in the USA, AND they earn on average a higher income than any other race in the ENTIRE country. My theory? It's because being seen with a Rice is a MARKETING/SPONSORSHIP KILLER. You're seen holding hands with a Rice and that shit gets posted on TMZ? Get ready to lose sponsorships, fans, and revenue. You think I'm crazy? Look what the fuck happened to Lorde. She dated a 2/10 Rice with no jaw or chin and everyone mocked her for it. Even Tyler the Creator thought the entire thing was fucking hilarious. Her music career withered out. They broke up, but by that point it was too late for her. Her career was shot and she has been thrown back into obscurity and irrelevancy. We haven't seen her around since.
It makes me SO ANGRY that these so many of these foids LOVE Rice culture, the "peacefulness," "harmony," "food," of which they only like Japanese hibachi and sushi, Chinese take-out, and maybe one or two select dishes from Korea, Thailand, and Vietnam, and other boo hoo shit like dragons and coconut trees, but hate the men that live there, provide for the culture, and keep it alive until their dying breath. Every Stacy loves a man who can cook because she has no ability to do anything herself...unless it's a hibachi chef, then these Stacy's love the skills and food but not the chef. Same with a sushi chef. I mean let's be honest. When's the last time you heard any foid say they want to have loving intercourse with a HIBACHI/SUSHI CHEF? NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. Everyone likes a badass samurai, but the only samurai the west knows? WHEN TOM FUCKING CRUISE WAS ON IT. What? You think foids want to go gaga for Ken Watanabe? Donnie Yen? Yeah, fuck off. Everyone thinks a karate master is cool. Ever heard anyone want to have sex with one? FUCK NO.
LMAO what, you think that K-Pop gay shit group BTS is changing the scene for ricecels like me? First off, no offense, but have you seen their fans? They are the same stereotypical foids who get bullied for being ugly and fat, and so find refuge in anime and K-Pop. Not even Beckys like K-Pop. They are usually smelly fucking land whales that are into that shit. If, god forbid, a Stacy is into BTS/K-Pop, then she hides it from her friends so she doesn't lose popularity. Stacy's in their high school years like One Direction, Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendes, or some white country singer like Kenny Chesney, Jason Aldean, or Florida Georgia Line (where I'm from anyway). If it's a celebrity/high-profile Stacy showing love to them, like Camila Cabello, then it's not because they're genuinely attracted to Rice, but because the BTS fanbase is one of the most active on the Internet, so it's solely for cross fandom and revenue. Nothing more. Even the "most popular" Rice group out here getting BETABUXXED. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! LOLOL you think Camila Cabello fawning over BTS when a Chad like Shawn Mendes is at her beck and call? Fuck no. That's why she chose the white Chad over a gay rice e-boy group.
Oh, you think that shitty rom-com Asian movie Crazy Rich Asians will help me? First off, Hollywood has indirectly told me that full Rice are never good enough for the big screen. That's why they cast a fucking hapa Chang as the fucking lead. The hapa with numerous white features. You don't believe me? Open 2 tabs on your browser. The first one, google "Asian man." The second, google "Henry Golding," and then tell me if he looks like a Rice.
Even then, tell me the last time some non-Asian bitch fell head over heels for Henry Golding. I'll wait. He was named People's Sexiest Man Alive so the magazines could fill a racial quota, not because he's actually good-looking lololol fuck no. And then you sit and think any foid will fall for a fucking full 100% RICE?! NOPE.
And the worst part? These Stacys don't even hate us openly. They act indifferent on the outside but despise us with the burning desire of a thousand suns in their hearts. That's the worst part. I wish they would just be unfiltered and say Asian men are butt fuck ugly and would never want to even be in the same hemisphere as them, that we're sexless and never deserve to reproduce with them. But this world of political correctness prevents everyone from telling their deepest, darkest feelings. This is the media's way to keep us down. Because if the true thoughts came out, then there would probably be some similar movement to a Black Lives Matter and by that point media cannot afford to ignore us. Hence, to keep us down in the well of sexless hell, they're quiet about it. Never talk about it. Thus, we don't exist in the mind of the foid, and our issues will never be talked about.
Sometimes I wish the West went to war with the East. At least our population and future generations would be saved from the embarrassment everyone else gives us. China has a surplus of men as a result of the disastrous one-child policy implemented by the Chinese government many decades ago. At least many will die with the idea of fighting for their country instead of dying alone having never touched the hand of a foid. Japan has 50 and 60 year old virgins everywhere now, decreasing their population, all because of what? The unrealistic expectation the foids over there have of their own men. Korea, unless you go under the knife to looksmax, you will be forever sexless. Filipinas only love white men, and so do all SEA countries. There's a reason why that dumb show 90 Day Fiance has a fat whitey named Ed with a no neck syndrome getting a filipina girl and you never see any Rice in ANY reality TV show in the west.
It's over for me. It's BEEN over for me. It never began. My father died when I was 10. My Filipina white cock whore mother married the most abusive white man I have ever met in my life. He would whip me for not doing something right (yes you read that right. He WHIPPED me) and beat me with a metal wrench, which I carry the scars to this day (and the numerous bald spots on my head from the beatings).
Hopefully my story and the wisdom I have picked up from my shitty life can help some of you in here to succeed and become the best version of yourselves. I just joined this forum so forgive me as I'm still tinkering around here a little. I have given some looksmax advice, and currently doing a jawzrsize trial which I just crossed half a month.
If you got this far thanks for reading"
submitted by freiza- to failed_Normies [link] [comments]


2020.06.27 10:20 General_Lecture Interracial couples. White men and asian women, black men and white women. What about asian men and black women?

I know that this is stereotypical, but that does not mean that it isn't true. I also know that most couples tend to date people of the same "race", but I am talking about INTERRACIAL COUPLES here. I think it has a lot to do with masculinity and femininity. I am trying to be as objective as possible. I am aware that there are exceptions here, but I am talking about people in general. I also want to say that I am NOT being racist in any way or form.
Black men are usually more masculine than white and asian men and its been scientifically proved that black men in general have higher amounts of testosterone than whites and asians. In the same way its been proved true that white men have higher amounts of testosterone than asian men.
Black women are generally perceived as more masculine than white women and white women are generally perceived more masculine than asian women.
Most heterosexual men tend to go for feminine women. Most heterosexual women tends to go for masculine men. There are plenty of examples of black men with white women, many more than white men and black women. In the same way its very common with white men with asian women, but very uncommon with with asian men and white women.
It also seems that black men might be too masculine for asian women, and asian women too feminine for black men.
It seems that both black women and asian men has drawn the shortest straws and are the least probable to date each other. Should they hook up more to balance things out?
For people who need the numbers:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3880679/
https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/05/18/1-trends-and-patterns-in-intermarriage/
submitted by General_Lecture to sex [link] [comments]


2020.06.22 02:08 2020way A Conversation I Had With my Mother. What are Your Thoughts?

So my mom and I had a discussion the other day and it still really bothers me. I''ll try to explain the best I can. Please ask if you're confused! I was having a discussion with my mother about the police and the overall attitudes they have towards us. This somehow went into the discussion about interracial dating, specifically about black men/women.
My mother is literally Bitter whenever she sees a black man dating anyone outside of his race, especially black male athletes. It's so annoying to see and hear her go on and on about how "Why would he get with [insert race here] woman? black women are MADE for black men!!!! I dont support this at all! " So we went into a conversation about how black men moreso date outside their race and how she hates it. Because "we're made for them only". I said I cannot have that same ride-or-die attitude towards black men when they do not see us the same way. I see how Black men want and date other races too but black women generally just want black men. I explained as black women , we do sort of pidgeonhole ourselves in a corner in this way. (And this was excluding the whole other discussion on racial stereotypes/perceived desirability of races.)
She says black love and black families should be the focus, and thats why she feels this way. I 100% love Black love, and I totally understand wanting someone who shares your culture/beliefs. If thats your focus then go for it! But I said cant be mad at people wanting to be with who they wanna be with(if youre not just fetishizing them bc of their race and disrespecting black women in the process. I know how this is rampant/problematic also). And as a black women I GET how dating is for us. I just dont think being a total hater about it helps. Instead of demonizing them, just let them be. Its 2020, not 1940. And you cant do shit about it anyway.
Then I asked her why does she LOVE Harry and Megan as a couple so much? she's Harry and Megan's biggest fan. Her quote, "Harry brought a black woman UP, to the royal family. He didnt have to choose a sister but he did and I love and support them." But she cant keep that same energy for any other couple. Example: She always comments on Serena Williams. "What is she doing? She's from Compton, she shouldve married/brought up a brother. I dont support them"
If she perceives a black women as dating up, well interracial relationships are fine and dandy. If not, youre on her shit list. ANY black man dating outside? Automatic shit list.
What are your thoughts on the topic? Ive tried to explain how this is hypocritical of her but shes older and wont listen.
submitted by 2020way to blackladies [link] [comments]


2020.06.10 09:00 throwaw91604325 I thought dick comparison issues were 99% nonexistent physically, just a porn trope, but my boyfriend is making me rethink that.

This is such a weird and embarrassing problem to have, especially right now, but I’m stumped, and I hope you guys have some insight.
I’m dating a guy who’s funny, kind, smart as hell, and generally a delight. He’s very shy, but I’m outgoing and bossy, and our personalities mesh well together; I encourage him to speak up, he shows me the value of quiet time. Demographic information in case it matters: we met online through a mutual hobby and flirted online for a long time before being in a relationship. I’m a few years older than him (nothing too wild; late 20s vs early 30s) and we’re an interracial couple: he’s white and I’m mixed. Sexually, we’re fantastically compatible, except for the one central issue.
His dick is small. It’s not shockingly so, but it’s on the small side of normal without a doubt, and definitely the smallest I’ve personally dealt with. I’ve never brought it up, because there was no reason to. But he’s started bringing it up lately, wanting to know how he compares to the (non-white; this came up once, though he seemed profoundly uncomfortable while asking about it) guys I’ve been with in the past. After I sussed out that he wasn’t asking for a kinky humiliation “scenario,” and was actually being sincere, I avoided the question because I don’t know how to answer it. (I know I fucked up on that front. I feel so bad for avoiding it now.) I’m a very sexual person, but also a practical one; we can work around a small dick, no problem. There are other options. But I know this is an issue that can be very central to someone’s self worth, so I don’t want to unintentionally say something that might hurt, you know? I also don’t want my silence to hurt.
So then the other day he decided to use a generously sized toy on me. I enjoyed it, and since penetrative orgasms feel different to me than clitoral orgasms, I guess he could tell that it wasn’t the same. He didn’t want to talk about it afterwards.
Soon after that, he had to go back to his hometown for a family thing while I stay here. he’s pretty busy and staying in a crowded house so we knew we wouldn’t be frisky remotely during the trip. We’ve been in touch mostly normally, but he hasn’t initiated so much as an oblique reference to having sex when he gets home.
I obviously can’t avoid the topic anymore, so reddit, please advise me. Is there something I could say that would be honest, but not hurtful? Should I lie, for his sake? Should I even begin to address the racial component of his feelings of inadequacy, especially since the truth confirms his stereotypical fears?
Men, what would you want to hear, in this situation?
submitted by throwaw91604325 to sex [link] [comments]


2020.06.09 06:00 Justchillin95 How do I get my white boyfriend to understand racism and be a better ally? How do I stop being annoyed with him and feeling close and bonded again, despite our cultural differences?

TLDR; Asian woman dating white boyfriend. Race has never been a problem for us before, but now that we are getting more serious on top of everything that's going on with BLM and the news, there is a clear cultural barrier that I feel creates a divide between us due to his ignorance and lack of understanding. He's been unhelpful in helping me deal with racism and it's been difficult to get him to see his white privilege. I am constantly frustrated and angry with him because not only do I bare the emotional labor of teaching him, I also have to deal with my own struggles regarding race alone, in addition to helping him recognize/unlearn harmful microaggressions AND dealing with the negative aspects of my controlling traditional Asian parents. I feel isolated, distant. This is driving a wedge in the relationship and I don't know how to close that gap.
I am a Vietnamese woman. I have never dated a white guy before. I am going to refer to my current boyfriend as John. John and I have been dating for 3 years. We are pretty serious about each other, and never saw each other for the color of our skin, as cliche as that sounds. Does that make sense? Like he was always just John to me, not white guy, John. I don't have a preference in terms of dating and he has never dated an Asian woman before. I just never thought about what it really meant to date or marry a white man, ESPECIALLY in my traditional culture because I never had to think about that. Clearly, there is a lot of unpacking to do. His sheer lack of understanding and white male privilege is causing me to feel super distant from him and the things he says actually triggers all the racial trauma I went through in the past and recently. It all started when we had a discussion about the NFL and Colin Kaepernick kneeling. He thinks it's disrespecting the flag, I do not. He expressed his distaste for players kneeling and he actually said he wants to watch a game, not a political statement. This was the first instance where I had a completely different viewpoint than him, I don't remember exactly when but I remember the conversation because I was so annoyed. I argued that it was not disrespectful because players are not trying to disrespect veterans, in fact veterans gave Kaepernick the greenlight. It did not matter what I said - he was stuck in his ways so I guess we just moved on from that. It's just a bunch of microagressions and stigmas, like him laughing to a joke his mother made about Meghan Markle, who is black, but they don't trash talk Kate Middleton. The joke was that Meghan knew tricks in bed for Harry to be so in love with her. Then it was him thinking he could say the N word in a song, he asked me why not and I sighed and explained to him that from what I know, the N word was reclaimed by black people, so just because we hear them say or sing it does not mean we can say it at all, period. Then it was him saying "can we look at something positive instead?" when I was showing him police brutality videos. Like, I'm sorry this makes you uncomfortable? Then he did the tokenism card. I called him out about not wanting to look at the videos, and being more worried about a mall being destroyed then the lives of thousands of minorities and black people (in reference to rioting and looting in MN) He said I was best friends with BLANK in college! Blank was not black, blank was an indian guy but looked like a black guy apparently. He knows and understands discimination he says, because of knowing BLANK in college. *rolls eyes* yes, another white person telling us that they are not racist or prejudice or ignoring discimination becaue they have a token black/asian/indian friend. Then it was him labeling my biracial friend white when she does not identify as white. She looks caucasian but grew up in a vietnamese household, speaks vietnamese, totally ingrained in the Vietnamese culture and I think that's because her father was a POS so we never talked about him or her being "white" of the 15 years I've known her. I always saw her as my Vietnamese friend to be honest. If there are any biracial or multiracial redditors out there, I'd love to hear your take on this. I'm not sure why I got so pissed when he said that or if I was wrong in doing so, but I felt like he was so entitled to label somebody based on their appearance. He grew up in the suburbs, went to a white school, and his parents most likely were prejudice at some point in their life and that rubbed off on him.
The big tipping point was recently, my parents had been pressuring me to get married. First of all, I get a lot of flack for dating outside my race period, something John will never understand nor relate to but of course not his fault. And because he will never understand, I just don't tell him because what's the point. So that day my mom was basically forcing me into doing an engagement for the family and I told her we werent ready for marriage. She basically said I'm a whore and embarrassment to the family for not only dating outside my race, but dating a man for 3 whole years with no engagement or commitment. If he loves you, he would ask to marry you by now. This is nothing new to me. So basically I deal with my family talking smack on me AND my boyfriend not being supportive. Because when I told him everything and what my parents thought of him/us (they feel he is not successful enough to marry me because he does not have a lot of money and owes debt. They think most white people have bad credit. My parents think I'm not successful because I don't have a good job and haven't started a family. Asian parents equate success to wealth/family life. I don't agree with this but nothing I can do about it) he got extremely upset and demanded to have a meeting and talk with my parents, he thinks he should be able to defend himself and his family? He thinks my parents were being prejudice towards him, which is true. The problem is The entitlement he must have felt to even ask for a meeting to talk to my parents is beyond me, I was livid. And then I started to think, if I was dating a POC, perhaps they will know what to do and say in this situation instead of making things worse. Dating a white man is just so hard. I totally agree my parents disrespected my boyfriend, but at the same time, I cannot change them or my culture. This is just how things are in the culture. I literally cannot do anything about it but cut them off, but I want to be a part of my family somewhat, its my identity. He just doesn't understand any of this at all. If he were to march up in my parents house to talk, well my existence in the asian community would be over. I would be disowned for allowing somebody to do that at all. I cannot imagine how he could even ask to do that, when I would never even think to do that to anyone's parents whether they are wrong or right, because in my culture you have to respect your elders no matter what, which means you don't just demand to talk to them like that. After I cried and exhausted myself arguing/explaining with him, he apologized and said he understands why he sholudn't have done that.
And then my neighbor has been racist towards me ever since the pandemic. Long story short, neighbor thinks I have COVID19 because I'm Asian, very hostile, gives me dirty looks, screams at me to get the f away when I'm just trying to walk down the shared hallway of our building. I told my bf this and he disregards it to neighbor being hypochondriac. Please, guys, just validate our experiences. 90% we know based of a look or a word or a whatever that we are being discriminated against. I know because I have dealt with this in the workplace, at school, all the time. Fast forward two weeks, the neighbor tries to assault me and spray me with pepper spray, saying "Bye Rona". Pure bigotry. So I was right, he has been actively racist towards me for weeks and my own bf did not believe me. I filed a police report that day and the story does not end there. When the cops were called, I called John and he came over right away. Instead of him consoling me, he decides to listen at the door to what the cops were saying to neighbor. I was in my bedroom visibly upset, because neighbor told everyone I was a prostitute for some reason. And he decides to be at the door. He said that he felt that was the best use of his time because he wanted to refute the neighbor's story. Then the cops go to my place and talk to me, and they basically tell me to stay away from the guy and watch out for him and did not press charges, so I started crying, and then John starts getting upset with the officers and says we want to press charges, what are you doing, lousy job, etc etc. So he gets into it with the officers on behalf of me, and what people need to understand in these racial tension situations is the intent vs impact. His intent was to help me, but the impact was that it did not help me or my case instead it made me look like a crazy woman, because a. he did not comfort me the way i needed him to in my love language and b he now has aggravated the cop so they just left. His privilege is that he could mouth off to an officer and not get arrested or shot at.

Anyway. After all this, we talked in depth about everything. I think I had to dismantle and show John everything he never saw growing up as a golden child, straight, white male, private education, good neighborhood, political career, zero diversity. It took many conversations to get to where we are now, it has been exhausting on my part because I have been doing this my whole life, explain to white people wtf is going on. When I called John out for his possibly racist upbringing, I'm sure it was hard to hear. He said I have a heart, I'm a human being! I said white feelings don't matter right now. Because white feeling have mattered for centuries, over the lives of POC and minorities that they have benfitted form. So now is not the time. To be an ally is to just listen. Not make me feel guilty for being too harsh on you for something you shouldve recognized a long time ago. John has since been doing a lot of his own research on white fragility, white privilege, we've been watching Dear White People on Netflix. But even with him being loving and supportive now, and educating himself, the problem is I still feel the distance from all those times. It also doesn't help that he's a picky eater, and the best thing from my culture in my opinion is the food. He only eats rice and pork chops, doesn't try much else... I sometimes feel am I putting away too much of my heritage to make him comfortable? When we live together how will I cook with fish sauce? If we are sharing a kitchen, and he can't stand the smell? My parents may never accept him, how do I navigate that? Interracial dating is hard. I have so many questions. I think I would be much more confidant in us if he had recognized his privilege sooner or called out his mom for her stereotypes sooner or if he had handled any of the things I'm going through better. I also know that I am probably projecting a lot of anger onto him from all the typical white people I've dealt with in my life, which I need do reflect on.

- a fed up asian woman. Fed up with the entire system. over it
submitted by Justchillin95 to interracialdating [link] [comments]


Talk Show Clip About Interracial Dating and Stereotypes (2010) Interracial Dating ... Good Or Bad ? Interracial Dating Stereotypes and Myths Debunked Interracial Dating in Korea  being black, the assumptions ... White Women Talks About Interracial Dating ~ Interracial Love Moments 5 Things People In Interracial Relationships Won't Tell ... Honest Interracial Date  CH Shorts - YouTube INTERRACIAL DATING  The struggles of dating in the US ...

Study Reveals Stereotypes Affect Interracial Dating

  1. Talk Show Clip About Interracial Dating and Stereotypes (2010)
  2. Interracial Dating ... Good Or Bad ?
  3. Interracial Dating Stereotypes and Myths Debunked
  4. Interracial Dating in Korea being black, the assumptions ...
  5. White Women Talks About Interracial Dating ~ Interracial Love Moments
  6. 5 Things People In Interracial Relationships Won't Tell ...
  7. Honest Interracial Date CH Shorts - YouTube
  8. INTERRACIAL DATING The struggles of dating in the US ...

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